How can we teach teens to reach out and help or serve others?
1. There is an old Indian proverb that says: “Everything that is not given is forever lost.” When we help teens find ways to be of service to their friends, family, school, and the larger community, we help them see the value of dedicating a portion of their lives to a larger purpose. Show them that they can make a significant difference—in themselves and in the world. Acts of kindness and service always bless the giver as well as the receiver. And they are never lost.
2. On the home front, show kindness to your spouse and each family member. Insist that siblings treat each other with kindness too. You may want to talk together—when the time is just right—about the importance of kindness and what it looks like. It can be as simple as “Hi!,” a smile, or “How are you feeling?” Discuss with your teens what it means to be kind. Look for ways to show kindness to another person who may be especially needy—a friend, a neighbor, or sick or elderly person—then take your teen along as you carry them out. Talk to your teens about their classmates. Is there anyone who needs a kind thought or act? How about the child/teen who is “different”? How about the classmate who is mean? Even if one doesn’t feel like being kind, there is value in doing it anyway—because the kind act itself can change the feeling that follows. Help your child/teen see that kindness can make all the difference in someone’s life, yet it’s so easy to do!
3. A legacy of giving and service can begin now. A giving mindset says: let me try to make the world more beautiful. It can be as simple as walking someone across a busy street, or helping a friend study for an exam—or as difficult as speaking one’s mind and conscience on a controversial topic, or spearheading a campaign to offer a regular breakfast and shelter to the homeless in one’s neighborhood.
4. Teens can give of their work, energy, time, and support. Many schools now have community service as part of their curriculum. These programs are important because they expose teens to the importance of giving to others within the community. Examples include: assisting in soup kitchens, reading to the blind, volunteering in hospitals, helping with physical rehabilitation needs, and tutoring younger kids with their homework. We can spread the spirit of giving through our own example. We can take kids out on community service field trips, and encourage community service programs in schools that don’t have them.
5. I know of one remarkable service effort that was identified and defined by the teens themselves. They called their group “Flowers on Friday.” These thirteen-year-olds met frequently on Friday after school to bring flowers to people who were sick or needy. They purchased the flowers themselves at the local florist. One Friday, they visited the local hospital cancer wing and brought flowers to its patients. On another Friday, they gave their flowers to people on the street who looked as though they really needed something special in their lives right then. One woman they handpicked for this reason said the last time she received a gift of flowers was over thirty years ago.
Bottom line: Parents can nurture an interest in giving and reaching out to others. Acts of service and kindness free us from self-imposed me-focused lives by widening our circles of compassion. Encourage your teens to practice acts of kindness and to reach out to serve others. The spirit of giving transforms both the receiver and the giver.
Dr. Susan Smith Kuczmarski has taught at 8 universities, now at Northwestern University and Loyola University in Chicago. She is an award-winning author of 6 books, 3 on families and 3 on leadership, including her newest, Becoming A Happy Family: Pathways to the Family Soul (2015), and her best-selling, The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: A Parent’s Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go, which was released (2019) in Egypt in Arabic. Trained as a cultural anthropologist, she has researched extensively how children learn social skills and teens become leaders. A frequent radio and television guest, she has appeared on "The Today Show" and speaks regularly to parents and educators. Listed in Who's Who in the World for 12 years and an International Fellow of Columbia University, her 35 years of college teaching and research have made her an expert on issues devoted to the contemporary family.
